Grief doesn’t move on a schedule

Grief is non-linear. It loops. It hides. It returns on Tuesdays for no reason. None of this means you’re grieving wrong.

The five-stages model has done us a disservice. Grief is not a queue you stand in. It’s a room you live in for a while, where the furniture rearranges itself overnight.

What I see in the therapy room

People often arrive worried they’re “behind schedule” — that six months in, or two years in, they should be further along. They’re grieving, and on top of that, grieving the fact that they’re still grieving.

The calendar is a poor witness to grief. The body knows what it knows.

What helps: making space for the loops, telling someone when one happens, and being patient with the version of yourself who isn’t over it. Not yet. Maybe not for a long time. That is allowed.